A Polling Poem

A Public Private Partnership

 (By Bruno)

Banksie asked his leader

and Don enquired,

“Prime Minister –

could you stop in Epsom

for a cunning cup of tea?”

The PM answered, “Certainly,

I’d love to help out Banksie

and we need a fascist partner

to make us Nats look nice and twee.”


Don said, “Seig Heil”, saluted

and went to phone up Banksie:

“I’ve told John Key to meet you

for a public cup of tea.

You’re crapping out in Epsom

and the polls are looking shaky.

We must show we’re not old greedies,

but the new noblesse oblige.”


Banksie just said, “Golly!”

and went to tell his Mrs:

“Don’s  persuaded National

to exploit MMP.

It was good enough for Rodney;

it’s a Dunne deal in Ohariu.

The system’s ripe for rorting,

so why can’t it work for me?”


His wife said, “Bother!”

and went to lay his suit out.

She found a tie to match it

and polished up his shoes.

“No-one,” she said,

“could call me a fussy moo,

but I wish you’d quit the party –

all you ever do is lose!”


Banksie just said, “There, there…”

and went to book a table.

He knew he couldn’t win the seat

if Goldsmith got the nod.

Politics is perfect for a chap

who’s hoarded millions.

Public life’s the perfect calling

for the rich and fey … and odd.








The PM found the coffee shop

and sat down with the candidate.

Merrily they chatted

with the press kept at arm’s length.

The PM mocked poor Banksie

and his self-deluded leader.

He contrasted their performance

in the polls with National’s depth.


The two toffs chatted blandly

about such whys and wherefores.

Then prepared themselves for photos

once they’d paid the bill and gone.

But in doing so they noticed

a small bag upon a table

that contained a sound recorder

‘accidentally’ left on.


So now the PM’s livid

and  reaching for his lawyers.

Banksie’s looking baffled

and Brash is looking pained.

While the internet is waiting

for a leak to Mr “Whale Oil”

and their storm within a teacup

may yet be Winston’s gain.




Bruno  11/2011